In Two Places At Once

When A Walk to Remember hit the big screen ten years ago, it became a favorite to the hopeful and hopeless romantics alike. I am guilty as charged. One of my favorite scenes was when Landon (Shane West) brought Jaime (Mandy Moore) to the state border. He made her put her left foot on one side of the border and the right on the other. Viola! Her wish to be in two places at once was fulfilled.

Cute, isn't it?

As for me, I have my own version of being in two places at once.

I grew up somewhere in the metro east where there is a stretch of road called Imelda Avenue (formerly Felix Avenue). It’s adjacent (naks, adjacent) to Marcos High-way on the north and Ortigas Ext. Avenue on the south. On one side you are in Pasig but when you cross the street, you are in Cainta already. Stand on the isle and viola; you’re in two places at once.

Here’s another one: it’s the place in between singleness and parenthood. It’s where you want to leave the rest of the world behind chasing your boldest dreams but you can’t because you’re responsible for another soul and where you want to give everything you have to nurture that special being but you can’t because your hands are tied by the meager resources of a young single person.

Awkward.

You want to bond with your fellow singles but you have to be home early to read bedtime stories and make kamot to the likod of an adorable kid. You try to discuss issues with other mothers but find yourself quite lost when they start sharing married-life struggles.

Disorienting.

Not knowing where to go, to the right, to the left, to stand perfectly still or just evaporate like a mist.

I am not an isolated case. Even though each of you is related to a single-mom and this world has become so familiar with our presence, no one understands our struggles completely. Parenthood is one thing, single-parenthood another.

I’ve been crying out to God for the longest time. Lord, ang hirap! Being both the mother and the father. Nurturing and providing. Caring and protecting.

Singleness and parenthood. I realized what I was doing: STRUGGLING. Struggling to get out of the place where God has placed me and trying to fit in either of the two worlds. I found myself out of placed. Torn.

What I did not understand was this: Single-parenthood is a unique season on its own. God has put a unique set of challenges upon me so that I would become the unique person He designed me to be. A person that He can one day use for His great and mighty purposes.

God is the author of our life’s story.

To the other single-moms, God wants to tell us that He will increase our faith as He continues to stretch us. He will give us faith if we had none to start off with. He will meet us wherever we are. Even to the darkest alley, He will be there to walk us through. We need not worry about making both ends meet. His arms are long enough to cover the whole earth. Kung gusto mo, pati whole universe!

He will be our Mentor. We can triumph each day’s challenges, from dragging a sleepy grade-schooler out of his bed to changing soaked bed sheets at night.

He will be our Best friend. We can rant out our frustrations and disappointments, 24/7 and know that He won’t fall asleep.

He will be our Husband. We can sleep soundly, comforted, loved and assured that there will be a budget for the grocery, tuition fee, school bus, Happy Meals, Kiddie Meals and trips to the toy store.

Kaya ikaw, go-getter mom, stop struggling and start trusting in His awesome power. Even though you want to run away, stand still and know that He is God.

I speak to you as if our circumstances are the same but wherever road, border or high-way you are right now, let His word be a lamp to your feet and a light to your path. (Psalm 119:150)

My son will turn seven on January 16. Standing on this place called single-parenthood has been amazing for me. I’m at awe as I look back to the past seven long years. Joyful, excruciating, wonderful, exciting, painful and exhilarating. These are only a few adjectives for the mix of emotions this rollercoaster ride has been – so far. Nevertheless, I declare God has certainly been faithful to His promises of redemption, protection, strength, comfort, direction and provision.

Just like how Jamie thought Landon was acting crazy, we might think that God doesn't know what He's doing. But He does. And it's really an exciting and nakakakilig thing. *twinkle twinkle*

Consumed

Ate Thammie Sy's blog post last week, How He Loves Us, reminded me of a portion of the conversation I had with that young Bhutanese gentleman in my When It Hurts entry.

Here goes:

"All religions are alike," said Mr. P. "They have different names and culture. It's doesn't matter whether you believe in Yahweh, Buddha or Allah. They teach about a certain way or a road or a path but all these leads to one destination. Heaven. Nirvana. Paradise."

To him, that is the truth. I knew and felt otherwise. My insides revolted. I just knew my God is different. And He is real. My mind raced to grasp for words to tell this person or should I say anything at all?


The "S" Personality in me said I should nod simply and smile politely. But no, I couldn't contain what I feel about God.

That's it.

"My God is different because He loves."

He frowned.

"You're right, all religions teach a certain way: to be good to your neighbors; to pray and meditate; and, to offer your life for a cause. God is pleased with all of these but the motivation for His love is not based on our worthiness but on His eternal grace. He died for us while we were still sinners."

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

Romans 5:8 

 "God knows the number of our hairs. He knows our greatest eccentricities and still loves us the same. He died for us to live. Do you know that? It even takes more that head knowledge to understand this. You have to feel it for yourself."

Mr. P shrugged. He didn't seem convinced. I didn't expect him to. The Gospel is not purely an intellectual matter. It involves the heart and, through the Holy Spirit, God alone can touch a person's heart.

Photo: GraceHead.com

That night, he was leaving in a few days time. All I could do was to hope that he will take home this simple yet mind-blowing truth: God loves. 

Creating Ripples

How influential are you?

I haven’t blogged for a while. One, I was team leader for two weeks. Two, I don’t know what to blog. My stream of thoughts is running rapidly as always. Too rapid, I can’t catch anything.

Let me just give you an update of the past two weeks’ events. As I’ve said, I was team leader beginning last week until my-boss-knows-when. This means I have to supervise other members of the Training Team as they manage their respective trainings. I only have two people under my supervision. These are what I learned so far: being a leader is a big responsibility and the most difficult person to supervise is myself.

And ever heard the verse: From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked. (Luke 12:48, NIV)

Simultaneously, I was handling my own training of three professors from the Royal Institute of Management in Bhutan. The three gentlemen are here for a short Training of Trainers course to equip themselves with the latest technologies and techniques in teaching. It is such a privilege to be their training coordinator because I have under my care three of the most influential people in this happy nation. They’ve been teaching for around two decades now and the amazing thing about that is some of our previous trainees undergone their tutelage. I applauded them for their dedication and encouraged them to never tire of teaching.

Every one of us is a teacher. We transfer what we have to others. As a mother, we play a great role in shaping the future of our child/children. As a volunteer in church, we disciple someone, we teach in kids' church, we lead a small group. As a brother/sister, we affect our siblings. As a friend, we influence others in the circle.

As a pebble tossed in the water creates ripple, so does a teacher touching the minds and souls of the students creates impact in their lives. The simple little things we do make a lot of difference in someone else’s life. The overwhelming thing about that is we are not limited to simple little things; many learners have been entrusted to us. Just imagine what a great forest we can create by selflessly planting ourselves today as tiny seeds.

The question is what kind of impact are we leaving?

I will go back to that verse:

"From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked."  

(Luke 12:48, NIV)

As for me, I will leave footprints of love in the hearts of my students as I follow the example of the greatest teacher ever: Jesus Christ.